Uber Cute and Pocket-Sized
by The Emcee
Summary: Gandalf was getting thoroughly annoyed by the dwarves, so he decided to try and place a spell on them. Unfortunately, thanks to the dwarves being quite good with shields and dodging in general, Bilbo is hit with the spell instead, much to Thorin's chagrin and Gandalf's amusement. And what ensues? Chaos. Implied Thilbo.


Title: Uber Cute and Pocket-Sized

Author: The Emcee

Pairing: Implied Thilbo (of course)

Rating: K

Summary: Gandalf was getting thoroughly annoyed by the dwarves, so he decided to try and place a spell on them. Unfortunately, thanks to the dwarves being quite good with shields and dodging in general, Bilbo is hit with the spell instead, much to Thorin's chagrin and Gandalf's amusement. And what ensues? Chaos.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A/N: I decided to take a break from the long one-shot that I'm currently writing in order to write this. This…is going to be stupid and, hopefully, funny. But it'll probably be more stupid than funny. Either way, let me know what you think! R&R. Enjoy!

**~…~**

**Uber Cute and Pocket-Sized**

**~…~**

There were times when Gandalf wanted to save all of Middle Earth. Although Sauron had fallen many years ago, evil was still rampant in the world and the world was too wonderful and too beautiful of a place to allow it to fall into darkness. He did his best to stamp out evil where he could, regardless of Saruman's approval or disapproval because there were times when his friend could be quite blind and foolish. However, he did appreciate when others realized that he was doing the right thing, such as when Galadriel told him he had been right to help Thorin Oakenshield. Of course he had been right to help Thorin and the other dwarves; Smaug needed to be dealt with sooner rather than later, after all.

And then there were times when Gandalf could throttle every single dwarf in the Company.

Take right now, for instance. They were a few days from Beorn's halls and they had all been carrying on, causing such a ruckus that if goblins and orcs didn't hear them it was simply because they were, quite literally, deaf. Gandalf had had a massive headache for the past couple of days because of it and he had had enough of the dwarves and their loud voices for one life time. However, they refused to calm down even when Bilbo, bless his soul, had asked them nicely. Naturally, Fili and Kili had said no and started talking and laughing even louder. He was sure to lose his mind at any given moment.

"Give me that back, Fili!" Kili's voice called out loud and harsh, causing Gandalf's head to throb with pain.

"Why don't you make me, Kili?" Fili taunted as he held Kili's bow out of his reach, quite a feat considering Kili was taller than he was.

"Were it not for the fact that I don't want to embarrass you in front of Uncle, I would! Now give it back before I make you regret taking it!" Kili yelled, jumping up to retrieve his bow.

Fili continued holding it out of his grasp. Bofur, Nori, Gloin, Oin, Dori, Bombur, and Ori were laughing at the two of them while Balin merely shook his head, a tiny smile on his face. Dwalin merely ignored them while Thorin rolled his eyes at their antics. Bifur was watching them, but said nothing and Bilbo was keeping his eye on them just in case they got too rowdy. The little hobbit had long since given up asking them to quiet down and stop their childish antics; they were bound and determined to not listen. Gandalf seriously wanted to smack them both with his staff.

"And what exactly will you do if I don't give it back, eh little brother? You may be the best bowman I know, but I'm better at wrestling. I'd beat you," Fili said, grinning from ear to ear.

"You almost lost last time, even Uncle said so. Now give it!" Kili growled, his brown eyes narrowing dangerously.

"I think not," Fili said simply.

"That's it! I'm going to-"

"Enough, I say!" Gandalf yelled, causing the entire Company to pause and look back at him with wide eyes. Fili and Kili looked at him for a moment before Kili took the opportunity to pounce on his brother.

Knocking Fili to the ground, Kili tussled and wrestled around with him, growling and yelling while Fili fought back. They wrestled on the ground and managed to knock over Ori, Dwalin, and Bombur as they did so. Their voices grew loud and soon the others were yelling at them, cheering one or the other on, or trying to pull them apart. Gandalf took a deep breath and the light began to fade as he started causing darkness to fall upon them. Thorin, who realized what was going on, shouted at them all and a few of the dwarves ducked behind trees. Fili, who had stopped when he heard his uncle's voice, looked up at Gandalf, gasped, and grabbed his shield, pushing Kili behind him. Dwalin and Balin both ducked behind large boulders while Bombur fell, rolled to the side and into a bush. Only Bilbo was left exposed to Gandalf's wrath, but by then it was too late.

He raised his staff and before Bilbo could even blink, slammed it into the ground, directing most of the force in the poor hobbit's direction. There was a brief flash of blinding, white light and then all was calm and quiet. Gandalf looked around and saw that the dwarves were peering at him with wide-eyed, shocked expressions. Disappointment welled up inside of him; his spell had missed. They rarely ever missed. Agitation resurfaced and Gandalf was ready to tell off any dwarf who spoke too soon. One by one, they began stepping out from behind trees and boulders and lowering their shields. Bilbo was nowhere to be seen and Gandalf felt himself go numb at the thought that he might be the one to have caused harm to come to such an innocent being.

And then, Bofur cried out.

"Look! On th' ground!"

Everyone turned and looked down on the ground. There, hiding in a pile of his clothes, was Bilbo, who appeared to be no more than six years of age. His big, blue-grey eyes looked up at the dwarves and the wizard with apprehension mixed with curiosity, but he remained huddled and hidden within his clothes, obviously naked and quite frightened. Gandalf crouched down and smiled kindly at the hobbitling before him. It had been far too long since he had since Bilbo so young and small.

"It's all right, Bilbo. No one is going to hurt you," Gandalf said calmly. Bilbo merely shrank in on himself, pulling his shirt and waist coat closer to him.

"Why don't you come out of there? I have some friends of mine that I'd like you to meet," Gandalf said, knowing full well that Bilbo didn't remember who any of the dwarves were. If he had, he wouldn't have been as fearful of them as he was right then and there.

"Nope," came Bilbo's small voice. Gandalf could see that he was also shaking his head 'no' as well, as though to emphasis his answer.

"Why not?" Gandalf asked gently. Bilbo chewed his bottom lip before he stared into Gandalf's bright, blue eyes.

"Nake, nake," he said softly.

"Wha's that mean?" Bofur asked.

"He's saying he's not coming out because he's naked, Bofur," Gandalf told him. "Do any of you have a small tunic or something Bilbo could wear?"

"I do!" Ori said happily. "I was knitting one myself. It's not done, but it'll fit a small child, I'm sure." He handed it over to Gandalf, who took it from him and gave it to Bilbo.

"Here you go, Bilbo. Put this on and then come out, okay?" he asked.

"Yup," Bilbo said, his voice sounding small and tiny.

A small hand reached out and took hold of the tunic. After a few minutes, Bilbo emerged from his clothing and gazed up at everyone. The tunic looked more like a dress on him than anything else, and it made him look even smaller than he already was. As he gazed up at the dwarves, Bilbo edged closer and closer to Gandalf until he was hiding behind his legs. Bofur knelt down and smiled brightly as the hobbit child.

"Hey there, Bilbo. D'ye remember me?" he asked. Bilbo shook his head 'no' and continued to stare wide-eyed at the dwarf. "Tha's okay. I'm Bofur. I like yer tunic there."

"Oi! Don't hog him, Bofur!" Kili pushed the dwarf out of the way and crawled towards Bilbo on his hands and knees, grinning brightly. Bilbo stepped back and clutched Gandalf's robe tightly in his small hand. "I'm Kili."

"And I'm Fili," Fili said, flopping down beside his brother. They grinned at Bilbo, who looked absolutely petrified. "You're a cute little thing. Can we hold you?"

"Nope," Bilbo said softly and looked up at the other dwarves that had formed a half circle around Gandalf and Bilbo.

"Who d'you want to hold you, then?" Kili asked, sounding hopeful.

Bilbo's big eyes looked up at the dwarves surrounding him. They passed over Ori, who was smiling gently down at him, and Nori, who was cooing at him just like he had done with Ori. When he caught sight of Bifur and Dwalin, he quickly looked away and began shaking; it was obvious that the two of them frightened Bilbo terribly. He didn't even pause when he looked at Oin or Dori and he hesitated at Bombur, Gloin, and Balin, who was smiling down at him much like any grandfather would at their grandchild. But when Bilbo's eyes locked onto Thorin, he gave the tiniest nod and pointed at the Dwarf King, who looked slightly surprised. Fili and Kili both grinned up at their uncle before they turned back to Bilbo.

"You want Uncle Thorin to hold you?" Kili asked. Bilbo nodded and inched away from them a little bit.

"Why Uncle Thorin?" Fili asked. Dwalin smacked him on the back of his head and Fili flinched and rubbed his head. Bilbo gave the sweet smile at that and nodded before pointing at Thorin again.

"Ta Ta," he said, his tiny fist clenching and unclenching Gandalf's robes.

"He wants you to hold him, Thorin," the wizard said.

"I can see that," Thorin grumbled.

"Well, what're ya waitin' fer?" Bofur asked. Everyone looked at Thorin expectantly.

He sighed heavily before he bent down and capture the tiny hobbit in his arms. Lifting him up easily, Thorin shifted Bilbo in his grasp until he felt that he would be comfortable. Bilbo sighed happily and rested his head against Thorin's furs, his thumb in his mouth as his eyes scanned the others. A slight blush made its way onto Thorin's face and he absentmindedly rubbed the child's back softly, his fingers brushing over the knitted fabric of the tunic.

Thorin paused his motions when he realized that everyone was staring at the two of them. Fili and Kili were cooing up at him from their spot on the ground, making kissy-kissy faces and funny faces to try to get Bilbo to laugh. He didn't; he merely gazed at them and sucked on his thumb. Both Bofur and Ori were staring at Bilbo as though he were the most precious jewel in Middle Earth and Balin was smiling fondly at the wee little hobbit. Even Dwalin looked like he was smiling; his eyes were crinkled slightly and there was amusement in his dark eyes. And Gandalf, well, Gandalf was gazing at them as though they were the most amusing thing on the planet.

"Right then. Now that that's taken care of, let's move on shall we? It'll take us another two days before we make it to Beorn's house," Gandalf said and began walking ahead of the company.

"Bofur, grab Bilbo's clothes. He'll need them when he changed back," Thorin instructed.

"Aye, aye," Bofur said and bent down to gather Bilbo's clothes.

"Mr. Gandalf?" Dori called out to the wizard.

"Yes, Dori?" Gandalf replied over his shoulder as the Company began to move on.

"For how long will Bilbo remain a child?" he asked.

"Oh, I'd imagine a few hours. A day at most, perhaps," the wizard answered him. The Company continued their march onward, with Bilbo nestled snuggled against Thorin, his thumb in his mouth and his eyes gazing at everything they passed by.

**~…~**

Five days later and Bilbo was still a six year old hobbit child.

The only difference really was that he was comfortable around all of the members of the Company. Beorn still frightened him half to death, but as he was hardly ever in the house with them, dealing with a frightened child was hardly an issue. Gandalf was baffled as to why Bilbo had yet to change back into an adult and Thorin could barely suppress rolling his eyes at the very thought of the wizard's carelessness. He should have watched where he was looking while he was casting that spell or leave the Company at the very least. But now, now they had a small hobbit child to worry about and to care for, and who seemed practically glued to Thorin.

While Bilbo absolutely loved chasing Fili, Kili, Bofur, and Ori around and playing hide and go seek with nearly every member of the company, Bilbo would always return to Thorin, whether the dwarf wanted him around or not. And, honestly, Thorin had thought the first time he laid eyes on Bilbo that he was adorable; as a child, he was even more so and that made Thorin give into the hobbit's demands more easily than ever before. All Bilbo had to do was look up at him with his big, wide eyes and say, "Ta Ta" before Thorin would cave (Bilbo could hardly say any of their names, so Thorin didn't mind being called "Ta Ta" for the time being). One thing that did bother Thorin quite a bit was that Bilbo hardly talked. Aside from a few words per sentence, he usually stuck to one word answers. No one, not even Gandalf, knew why Bilbo was like that, but they didn't linger too much on that particular problem.

Currently, Thorin was sitting on Beorn's porch, watching as Bilbo ran after Kili with a large stick in his hands. Kili was laughing merrily and Fili, who was up in one of the trees, was shouting at Bilbo to whack his brother roughly with the stick, laughing as he did so. Bofur was sitting on a rock nearby, watching the entire fiasco and Ori and Bombur were watching as well from the porch. Bilbo had quickly taken to Ori as well, calling him "Ri Ri" and looking through Ori's book, fascinated by the words and pictures that had been written and scribbled in it. Another favorite of Bilbo's, interestingly enough, was Dwalin. It seemed that Bilbo liked his tattoos and enjoyed riding on Dwalin's shoulders. Such a sight was one that Thorin wasn't accustomed to and he wasn't sure how to react except to chuckle at their antics.

Bombur loved children, it seemed, and often dotted on Bilbo whenever the small hobbit was hungry or thirsty. He laughed merrily when Bilbo would babble and eat. From what Bifur had told Thorin, Bombur had always wanted a child of his own, but had yet to find a lass or lady who actually wanted to build a life like that with him. Now that Bilbo was a child, he finally got his chance to be a father figure and had talked more than Thorin had ever heard him talk before. Balin was also enraptured by Bilbo and spent a lot of time answering the many 'why's that came from the Halfling's mouth with the same patience that he had bestowed up Thorin when he was young.

Gloin, who had a son of his own, often told Bilbo stories about Gimli that made Bilbo laugh loudly and smile for hours. And when Bilbo would fall and hurt himself, Oin was always right there checking him over and helping to lessen the pain. Even Bifur seemed to adore the hobbit as a child and had even tried to teach him Khuzdul at one point. There were a few words that Bilbo had picked up easily, but if they stayed at it for too long, Bilbo would get cranky and would almost throw a fit until Thorin would come and pick him up.

Being a child of about six, Bilbo still needed to be put down for a nap. On the first day when the Company had tried that, Bilbo had cried and screamed until Thorin, unable to take it anymore, settled down beside him and laid Bilbo on his chest. Within minutes, the hobbit was snoozing away softly, his tiny hands clutching the furs of Thorin's coat. After that, every day when Bilbo went down for his nap, Thorin always went with him. He didn't mind it; as a matter of fact, he actually liked cuddling with the Halfling, although he would've preferred to cuddle with him as an adult. Soon, Bilbo would have to go down for his nap and Thorin knew, he just knew, that that would be quite a difficult task, for when Bilbo was playing and having fun, he didn't want to do anything else.

"Ki Ki! Down!" Bilbo shouted. Thorin looked up and saw that Kili had managed to scramble up a tree and was grinning down at Bilbo, who was trying and failing to climb up the tree after him.

"No, no, no, Bilbo. I'm staying up here," Kili teased the small hobbit. Fili was hiding his head in his elbow, his body shaking with uncontrollable laughs. Bilbo pouted and huffed. He turned and caught sight of Bofur, who was beaming at the sight before him.

"Furry! Get down!" Bilbo demanded, pointing up at Kili. Bofur merely smiled at them, looked up at Kili, and then looked back at Bilbo.

"I'll try, Bilbo," he said and the little Halfling smiled at him. "Get down from there, Kili!" Kili laughed loudly and Bilbo frowned, his brow furrowing. Clearly, he wanted Bofur to do more than that.

"Down, Ki Ki!" Bilbo shouted.

"Only if you throw your stick away," Kili told him, grinning from ear to ear. Bilbo looked at his stick, then at Kili, then back at his stick before he looked back up at Kili.

"No," Bilbo said, shaking his head. Kili shrugged and tried to look sad. He failed.

"Then I'm not coming down," he said simply.

Bilbo turned and looked at Bofur. His frowned deepened for a moment before he moved his gaze to Ori. Apparently, Ori wasn't good enough because he shook his head and looked at Bombur. He then moved from Bombur to Thorin and his eyes lit up, as they often did when they looked at the Dwarf King. A small smile spread across the tiny hobbit's face and he gave Thorin a look full of hope and expectation. It made Thorin weak in the knees. However, he knew that it was time for Bilbo's nap and he knew that that look would vanish as soon as he said the words.

"Ta Ta! Get Ki Ki down," Bilbo said, smiling hopeful.

"Actually, it's time for your nap, Bilbo," Thorin said, standing up and walking over to him.

"Aw, does he have to, Uncle?" Kili asked, looking downtrodden.

"Yeah, does he have to? We were having so much fun," Fili said, looking just as put out as his brother.

"You both know that he has to so stop arguing," Thorin told them.

"No nap," Bilbo said, taking a step back from Thorin and shaking his head.

"Yes, nap. Come along, my little one," Thorin said softly as he bent down and scooped the hobbit up into his arms. Despite his protests, Bilbo clung to him as though his life depended on it.

"No. No nap, Ta Ta. No nap," Bilbo said. Thorin started making his way towards the porch.

"I'll take a nap with you, all right? I always do, don't I?" Thorin asked him as he walked the short distance from the porch to the inside of the house.

"Yup," Bilbo said softly before he relaxed completely in Thorin's arms.

Thorin went to the room that he shared with Bilbo because Bilbo refused to room with anyone else or by himself. Even after five days of Bilbo being a small hobbit child, Thorin still didn't understand why he was singled out to care for him. Not that he minded all that much; even before their embrace on the Carrock, Thorin had kept an eye out for the Halfling out of concern for his well-being. Entering their room, Thorin placed Bilbo down on the bed and took off his coat, placing it on the back of the chair that was in the room.

"Do you need to use the wash room?" he asked Bilbo.

"Nope," Bilbo said with a shake of his head, his honey colored curls bouncing as he did so.

"Very well," Thorin said and lay down on the bed. He pulled Bilbo to him and the hobbit cuddled against him, sighing contentedly before his breathing evened out, telling Thorin that he was asleep.

Listening to Bilbo's soft breaths, Thorin soon fell asleep himself, his arms wrapped around Bilbo's tiny body, protecting him from the world and keeping him warm. A good while later, Thorin started waking up and the first thing he noticed was that there was a heavier weight on him than there was before. As a child, Bilbo hardly weighed anything, so it confused Thorin greatly to feel something heavier than his child-like hobbit. And then, his blue eyes snapped open as he thought that maybe, just maybe, Fili and Kili had crept into his room and had taken Bilbo from him, replacing the child with something else, perhaps a rock. Just a thought made him angry and he looked down at the weight on his body. And he paused and blinked.

Laying on him, still fast asleep, was Bilbo, normal, adult sized, though still smaller than Thorin, as he had been. Thorin felt his face heat up and his heart start to beat faster. His arms were still wrapped around Bilbo and he had no intentions of letting his hobbit go. Bilbo shifted in his arms and Thorin knew that he would wake up very soon. For a brief moment, Thorin thought about gently moving Bilbo from his body and to the bed, but he decided against it. Perhaps it was time that he and Bilbo stopped dancing around each other as they had been since the beginning of the Quest. Again, Bilbo stirred and he sighed. He opened his eyes and blinked sleepily. And then he blinked again and his brow furrowed in confusion.

Realizing that he was laying on top of Thorin, Bilbo bolted right up and would've fallen off the bed had it not been for Thorin reaching out and taking hold of him. Bilbo looked half scared to death and Thorin feared that he had not mended the damage that he had done before the Company's encounter with Azog and his orc pack.

"Bilbo. Bilbo!" Thorin said, trying to reach Bilbo through his panicked heavings. "It's all right. Do not fear. I'm the one who brought you here." Bilbo began to calm down and Thorin rubbed circles into his arms, which were now mostly bare, as was his body, since the tunic had shrunk quite a bit.

"T-Thorin? What's going on?" Bilbo looked down at himself and blushed furiously. "Why am I naked?!" he squeaked loudly, his voice reaching a higher pitch than what should have been normal.

"Calm down, my Halfling. I will explain everything," Thorin told him, bringing Bilbo closer to him as he did so.

**~…~**

Gandalf walked into Beorn's house, knowing that tonight he would have to tell the Company that he had business elsewhere to take care of and wouldn't be traveling with them for a while. It was almost supper time and he knew that most of the dwarves would be in the great hall, getting ready to tuck in for the evening. Before he could even step into the hall, a loud, angry shout reverberated throughout the entire house.

"GANDALF!"

The wizard paused, confused. That was Bilbo's voice and the hobbit sounded quite angry indeed. But how…? And then Gandalf realized that the spell had finally, at long last, faded and that Bilbo must be back to normal. If so, then someone, Thorin most likely, had told him what had happened.

Without another thought, Gandalf turned on his heels and started walking out of the house. The dwarves could do without knowing that he was leaving them for another night or so, or however long it took for Bilbo to calm down enough to listen reasonably to his explanation. For hobbits, Gandalf had come to learn, could often be far more stubborn than dwarves and even more wrathful when provoked. Needless to say, he didn't feel much like losing his head, literally, yet, so leaving was his best, and safest, option.

**~…~**

**The End**

**~…~**


End file.
